Weihnachtsgeschichte.
wenn man sich etwas von ganzem herzen wünscht, dann geht es nicht in erfüllung. als kind wünschte ich mir zu weihnachten einmal ein fahrrad, aber ich bekam eine zahnspange. ich wollte einen swimmingpool mit überdachung wie bei meinem schulkollegen zuhause, aber ich bekam ein aufblasbares kinderbad mit luftpumpe, das man noch dazu nur im freien und lediglich bei entsprechenden temperaturen einsetzen konnte. ich wünschte mir einen kampfroboter mit fern- gesteuerter zielautomatik und sound, und ich bekam einen kater. der hatte weder laserkanonen noch zielautomatik. das einzige, was einer waffe nahe kam war sein permanenter gestank. ich entwickelte jedoch aus meiner anfänglichen abneigung gegen dieses atmende geschenk jedoch schlagartig ein tief empfundenes mitgefühl, als dieser zum tierarzt musste, um sich kastrieren zu lassen.
obwohl ich aufgrund meines zarten, unschuldigen alters die volle tragweite dieser operation noch nicht verstand, weckte die erklärung meiner eltern blankes entsetzen in mir. die vorstellung, das irgendwer in dieser doch sehr sensiblen gegend mit einem scharfen gegenstand etwas entfernt, war nun doch nicht so ganz meiner vorstellung von einem gelungenen tag oder gar einem erfüllten leben entsprechend. nunja, wie auch immer, das katerchen wurde seiner kronjuwelen beraubt und ich bemerkte nach seiner rückkehr aus dem schlachthaus eigentlich gar keinen grossen unterschied, mal abgesehen davon, dass er sich nur mit mühen auf seinen beinchen halten konnte. mir wurde erklärt, dass dieses verhalten auf die «narkose» zurückzuführen sei, und um meine offensichtliche unwissenheit nicht weiter preiszugeben, hakte ich nicht weiter nach und gab mich der belustigung des herumtorkelnden katers hin.
als ich am ein wenig später mit meiner mutter im einkaufszentrum war, sah ich einen mann, dessen gangart mich unwillkürlich an die des narkotisierten katers erinnerte. ich fragte meine mutter, ob dieser mann auch kastriert worden war. sie verneinte dies und konnte sich ein leichtes grinsen nicht verkneifen. männer werden nicht einfach kastriert, sagte sie. aber wenn ein mann zuviel glühwein trinkt, dann wird er vorübergehend so, wie wenn tigerli, so hiess nämlich der kater, nachdem er kastriert wurde. nämlich narkotisiert.
heute, auf dem boden der ernüchterung angelangt, hat man seine wünsche so weit geändert, dass man sie erreichen kann und so keine frustration mehr aufgrund unerfüllter wünsche auftreten kann. ich will keine beantwortung ungeklärter fragen. ich will polyphone klingeltöne!
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